Falling Apart to Half Time
by Yazoo - Pirate Lord of Jamaica
Summary: After losing a bet to the neophytes, The Original Six members must perform a dance for them. Lets hope they don't kill themselves first. Small bit of XemnasxXaldin, slightly implied XigbarxZexion. Reviews are welcome.
1. The Bad Beginning

Ch. 1

"You want us to WHAT?"

"Dance."

Xemnas stared as Roxas in shock and horror. He and the rest of the first six Organization members had just lost a bet and were now dared to perform a dance for the neophytes. Damn Lexaeus for throwing up the milk a minute too soon. Damn him to the Nonexistent Tenth Ring of Hell.

"You will be given ballet lessons by Saïx and jazz lessons by Luxord," Roxas explained, grinning the whole timw. Xemnas pinched the bridge of his nose in aggravation, listening to Xigbar, Xaldin, and Vexen cry real tears of shame, while Lexaeus and Zexion sat it annoyed silence.

"When do the lessons start?" Xigbar choked out.

"Right now," Roxas replied.

"I was afraid of that."


	2. Lessons, Surprises, and Sudden Urges

Ch. 2

"You have GOT to be kidding me"

The Original Six stood in a dance studio somewhere in the castle. Each Nobody had the same embarrassing outfit: black tank tops, black tights, black pointe shoes, and black dance shorts. Even the _ribbons _tying Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, and Vexen's hair back and the clip used to pull Zexion's bangs back were black.

"Why are we wearing RIBBONS for God's sake?!" Xemnas growled angrily to Vexen, who agreed.

"Because it makes a dancer seem a little more delicate, which most of you aren't"

Xemnas, Vexen, and the rest of the Original Six turned towards the door to see Saïx leaning on the door frame, garbed in a navy tank top, black tights, white pointe shoes, and forest green dance shorts. No ribbon was in his hair, ironically.

"Dance is not something to be taken lightly," Saïx continued, "It is an art form, and I expect you all to treat it like one."

"Insaaaane," Xigbar said in a singsong voice. The gunman was immediately slapped across the face by Saïx.

"Shut up. To the barre, all of you."

Saïx walked to the front of the room where he watched the senior members walk slowly to the wooden barres(1) attached to the walls.

"Lets begin," Saïx said, grabbing hold of a metal barre from the side of the room.

"No. VII," Lexaeus began tentatively, "isn't there supposed to be music? Like, piano or something?"

"…Oh yeah…okay, you go play," Saïx pointed No. V towards a grand piano. Lexaeus all but flew to the bench, letting out a sigh of relief.

"Okay, first combination," Saïx placed his left hand on the barre to demonstrate, "First, plié, 2…3…up, 2…3…plié again…and up…grande plié…and up, and porte de bras forward…and back. Do that in second, fourth, and fifth position, then balance in passé. Then, switch over to the left side and do the whole combination again(2). Got it?"

"….Um…"

"Yes."

Xemnas positioned himself on the bar, his whole demeanor going from annoyed about wearing tights to calm and graceful, and waited for the music to start. Lexaeus began to play, and The Superior of Organization XIII performed the given combination perfectly and with poise, while Nos. II, III, IV, VI, and VII watched in awe.

"Oh my God…Xemnas! You never mentioned that you know ballet!" Xigbar exclaimed.

"Well, that's not the best thing to mention when you're a guy who is trying to gain respect from 12 other people, you know?" Xemnas replied dryly.

"Haha! Xemnas knows ballet!" Vexen cackled loudly, "and I thought Marluxia was feminine!

::Somewhere in the castle::

Marluxia looked up from typing on his Xanga blog thoughtfully.

"I think I'm going to kick Vexen's ass today."

::Back in the studio::

"Xemnas, I can't say I'm not surprised…you of all people…a dancer, and a damn good one at that!" Saïx praised. Xemnas stood, cheeks burning red from embarrassment, not meeting the Diviner's eyes.

"Hehe…yeah, thanks." The Superior mumbled shyly.

The lesson continued wuth more praise of Xemnas and occasionally Xigbar and Zexion. Because of his small stature, Zexion was able to be lifted up by the rest, and was therefore dubbed the "girl" in the performance, much to the Cloaked Schemer's dismay. Near the end of the three hour long lesson, Saïx was called outside the studio and given a note by a Gambler Nobody.

"Change of plans. Luxord is too piss drunk to teach you all jazz, so you're all just going to perform a ballet piece," Saïx said to a bunch of worn out, exhausted Nobodies who laid sprawled in various places on the studio floor. During the practice, for some reason Marluxia stepped into the studio and bunched Vexen in the stomach and walked away as if nothing happened.

"Zexion, go to Marluxia and get your hair done. The rest of you, go to Axel and Demyx for your costumes. Hurry up and be in the throne room at 8:00 PM. You have five hours. Go."

And with that, Saïx teleported away, leaving the Original Six (excluding Lexaeus) to go to their assigned destinations.

* * *

1. When dancers dance at the barre, they stand at either a metal or wooden bar and perform combinations on it.

2. I take ballet, so this is a real combination, usually used as a warm up.


	3. Threesomes and Misconceptions

Ch. 3

"Aah…Marluxia!"

"Calm down, Zexion."

"But it hurts…!"

"Zexion, just relax!"

"Superior…! AH! Not so hard, Marluxia!"

Xigbar, Xaldin, and Lexaeus stood outside and listened intently to what was going on behind No. XI's bedroom door.

"What are they doing?!" Xaldin asked.

"Threesome, I think." Xigbar replied, slightly pale from nausea.

"I didn't think Zexion was into that kind of thing…" Lexaeus stated thoughtfully.

"Zexion, relax and everything will be fine."

"…Vexen! Stop pulling it!"

"Vexen's in there too!?" Xaldin exclaimed, "Sick…"

"Done."

The bedroom door opened, revealing a very unhappy looking Zexion, his hair sporting long, wavy extensions and floral clips. No. VI wore a skimpy, sparkling orange dance dress worthy of those so-called dancers on Fox's "hit" TV show _Dancing With The Stars_, with an open stomach and frilly flappers in the back.

"Those extensions fucking _hurt!_" Zexion exclaimed, rubbing the spot where Marluxia sewed in the fake hair. Xemnas, Vexen, and Marluxia joined the group at the door

"I told you to relax," Vexen stated matter-of-factly.

"Wait, so let me get this straight," Xigbar began uncertainly as Zexion threw Vexen a death glare, "you guys were dressing up No. VI and futzing with his hair?"

"Of course," Marluxia answered nonchalantly.

"He was seriously bitching about it too much," Xemnas said, folding his arms, leaning against the door frame, and earning a rude gesture from the Cloaked Schemer turned Barbie Doll.

"Why? What did you think we were doing?" Vexen asked.

Nos. II, III, and V turned to each other before answering.

"…Nothing…!"


	4. Accidents Happen

Ch. 4

"You have to admit, you look really pretty, Zex."

"Shut your mouth of you want to keep your only eye left, Xigbar."

Zexion, Xemnas, Xigbar, and Xaldin strode down one of the many long white corridors of the castle in their show outfits. The men (except Zexion and Lexaeus, for obvious reasons) wore black leotards with dark orange shorts and black pointe shoes. On the seat of the shorts was each dancer's name and rank number.

"Why do we have to wear such small shorts…?" Xemnas asked nobody in particular, "I feel so exposed, like my balls are going to fall out."

"I bet they will, they're popping out right now," Xaldin laughed.

"…Why are you looking there, Xaldin?" Xemnas asked nervously.

"Urk…no reason!" No. III answered quickly.

Xigbar and Zexion exchanged knowing glanced that seemed to say 'they like each other' louder than a crowd at a Cannibal Corpse rock concert. The group approached the top steps of Twilight's View when a Sniper Nobody accidentally fired off a shot at the new arrivals, causing the four members to jump in surprise. Zexion lost his footing on the top step and tumbled down the stairs one by one until he hit the last landing head first.

"ZEXION!"

Xigbar ran quickly down the steps to his fallen comrade, Xemnas and Xaldin closely following.

"Damnit, my ankle, it hurts…!" Zexion whined, clutching his swollen left joint.

"I'll get Vexen," Xemnas said, getting up and running back up the stairs.

"I'll come too!" Xaldin called after his Superior and ran after him.

"Don't rape him, Xaldin!" Xigbar yelled jokingly, "He's delicate!"

::In the infirmary, 20 minutes later::

The Original Six and Saïx(1) stood around a bed where Zexion lay, his left ankle in a cast.

"Great," Saïx said in false annoyance, "now you can't dance and now we can't laugh at you."

"Gee, Saïx, I can just feel your concern radiating from your kind words," Zexion said sarcastically.

"Well, we could always make Xemnas replace you," Vexen suggested, measuring out some pain killers, "He's graceful, and he knows the moves."

"Okay, he's the replacement," Saïx announced, "now where is he?"

"Last time I checked he was with…Xaldin." Lexaeus answered slowly.

The group turned towards a small broom closet, where disturbing noises were heard. Xigbar strode towards the door and bravely swung it open, revealing Xemnas pressed against the back wall, his legs wrapped around Xaldin's waist, kissing the lancer passionately(1).

"Yo! Superior! You're taking Zexion's place as the girl!" Xigbar yelled.

That made them stop.

"Huh? Huh?!" Xemnas stuttered, still wrapped around Xaldin.

"And Xally's your partner!" Xigbar added, laughing a little.

"Yay! Wait, huh?! What!?"

"Go get your weave, Xemmers!"

"Wait! NO!!!"

* * *

1. This was the most awkward part of this whole damn story to write, since this is about as romantic as I can get XD 


	5. Berserker Rape Threats

Ch. 5

"OW! Zexion wasn't kidding about this, it hurts!"

"Suck it up, Superior."

Xemnas sat in a chair getting long silver extensions that flowed to the middle of his back. His small skimpy shorts and leotard were replaced with an even skimpier shimmering red dress, where the stomach was cut out and replaced with five strands of jewels hanging down over the Superior's toned stomach(1).

"Where are you getting these costumes, Marluxia?"

"Axel used to be a fire-breathing cross-dresser in his past life. He mostly accentuated his anorexic stomach," Marluxia answered, clipping small roses n his hair. Xemnas made a surprised sound at the new discovery about No. VIII, and stared at his reflection in the vanity mirror.

He looked like a pin-up.

The Superior had golden eye shadow dusting his eyelids and dark red lipstick on his olive lips. His eyelashes were thickened with mascara and his fingernails were filed and painted with drying orange polish.

He felt disgusting, to say the least.

_'Dear God, why me?' _Xemnas thought shamefully.

"Sooo…" Marluxia began slyly, "I hear from a reliable source(2) that you were dry-humping Xaldin in Vexen's broom closet."

"Mmhmm…" Xemnas said with boredom; the news about him and Xaldin spread throughout the entire Organization faster than school kids to a fight(3), and it had only happened 15 minutes ago.

"So…what's the child situation?" Marluxia asked innocently.

"Shut up or I'll command a berserker to rape you."

* * *

1. I'm basing all these dresses on the ones I see on Dancing with the Stars XD

2. A.K.A. Vexen.

3. I swear to God the reaction time for this is 0.5 seconds.


	6. Pop, Lock, and Drop It

Ch. 5.5

Xemnas, Xaldin, and Vexen were now walking down to the main hall of the castle an hour and a half before the show. Nos. I and III held hands while No. IV listened to his iPod.

"What'cha listening to, Vex?" Xemnas asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Chain Hang Low(1)," Vexen answered, bobbing his head slightly to the beat of the music. Xemnas let go of Xaldin's hand abruptly and grabbed hold of the Chilly Academic's silver Nano and searched through his songs.

"You have Pop, Lock, and Drop It(2)!" Xemnas squealed excitedly, "Me listen!"

The Superior ripped the white ear buds out of Vexen's ears and blasted the music into his ears.

"Pop, lock and drop it! Pop, lock and drop it!" Xemnas sang loudly, dropping to the floor and bouncing back up again.

Xaldin and Vexen watched their Superior drop it like it's hot in the middle of the hall in shocked silence. Vexen shook his head after two minutes and chuckled at Xemnas's dancing figure.

"And this is the man who's going to take over the worlds."

* * *

1. I don't own this

2. I don't own this either.


End file.
